Winter's Eve
by melody kiss
Summary: He slipped away with the last whispers of summer. He was exactly like his father – and Erina resented that.


_(He's a fool for leaving and she's an idiot for missing him.)_

* * *

 **Winter's Eve**

 **— 1** **—**

 **(At the eve of winter, he slipped away with the last whispers of summer. He was exactly like his father – and Erina resented that.)**

* * *

A winter night. The first snow falling like tears from Heaven into her hands.

She closed her fingers and opened them again, feeling a small pang of sadness as the snow melted to nothingness. Why did everything always escape her grasp before she realised she'd wanted it? No – before she realised she _needed_ it.

Father had always called her dim – too slow to understand and never fast enough to realise. Erina savoured the bitter sorrow, tasting it in her mouth like blood. No matter how many times she spat it out, it always returned.

Erina turned and went inside.

* * *

A creased note fluttered by the fireplace. She sat there unmovingly, staring at the hastily scribbled words as though they might offer her some solace – but of course, they couldn't. She needed a hand to hold. A shoulder to lean on. A voice to comfort her.

But without fail, every day, she read the note in the voice of the man she yearned for most.

 _Hey, Erina,_

 _By the time you read this, I'll probably be out of Japan. I've left my phone and stuff at Dad's diner, so you won't be able to contact me. Sorry about that._

 _Why am I even writing this? I don't know. You'll probably laugh at this then throw it out, or something. Or burn it. Haha. For some reason, I just wanted to let you know a little bit about my plans._

 _My years at Totsuki with you have made me realise something – I felt things I'd never felt before. I wanted things more than ever. So that's why I'm gonna travel for a while. Do a bit of soul-searching, you know? Find my calling. A bit like Dad and Rindou-senpai._

 _See you soon._

– _Yukihira Soma_

* * *

 _See you soon._ How soon? When? Tomorrow? In a week? In a year?

Two years had passed. The seasons came and went like strangers in her life. Someone _had_ to stay eventually...

 _It should've been him._

She'd held onto her old apartment in the hopes that he might return there and see the message plastered at the door. _Moved to Tokyo. New restaurant._

For the first few days of _Lune's_ opening, every ring of the doorbell ignited a spark of hope in her heart, but it would all die away as someone else entirely stepped in. She watched carefully for a red-haired, gold-eyed visitor, but none came. And although her flagship restaurant enjoyed immense success, the victory tasted hollow that night as she drank and feasted with her colleagues.

Two years. He _promised_ he'd come.

* * *

" _What are_ you _going to do after you graduate, Nakiri?"_

" _Huh?"_

" _Well. You're a chef, obviously. But you also like roasting people over their dishes, y'know? I reckon you could make a living out of it."_

" _W-what?!"_

" _Unless you plan on actually opening a place like ninety-percent of everyone else here." A laugh echoed across the room. "I'd definitely eat at your restaurant!"_

* * *

April came again. Memories resurfaces as the cherry blossoms fell – of a certain day a lifetime ago when high school began. She'd been a different person, back then. Younger. Prouder. Content to be alone. And now she could barely walk on her own two feet.

(And yet, Yukihira Soma still remained out there, far away from her grasp.)

It'd taken her a while to find a word, but Erina suddenly felt a wave of numbness one night and realised: _this is how a life ends._

She felt stiff. Monotonous. _Dead. Dead. Dead._ Yes, that was it. Dead meant The End.

It's been six years since she last met him and three years since he'd left. An old picture of their graduating class hung above her work station, wrinkled but still as vivid as her memories of that day. She was _scared._

What would happen if she started to forget what he looked like? The shape of his sharp face. The glint in his gold eyes. The way his fingers deftly handled everything. Defiance flared within her. She _wouldn't_ let his memory die.

But often, alone in her bed comforted only by the wrinkled graduation photo, she'd wonder silently: what would those hands feel like?

 _I never got the chance to hold them._

And would such a chance ever arise again?

* * *

 _(Would she even see him?)_

* * *

That night, in the middle of autumn, Erina dreamed.

The Polar Star Dorm had eventually become her second home. She'd hidden there in her first year. Studied together with Tadokoro late into the nights in her second year. Allowed Yukihira's dishes to finally melt her heart in Fumio's kitchen... All her fears buried themselves in that dorm – all her dreams and wishes were birthed there.

And so, that night in her sleep, the dorm came to life once again with its white stones and towering roofs.

She ran around, mist rising from the ground like a blanket of clouds around her ankles. Isshiki – that naked senpai – had called a surprise Hide-and-Seek game to celebrate the end of exams. Losing was not an option – because… well. The loser had to eat Yukihira's new brussel sprouts and mushrooms combo, slathered with a generous layer of mayo-ketchup-wasabi hybrid sauce.

Even in her dreams, Erina shuddered at that thought. Though for some reason it also brought a spark of warmth.

The spot she found rested within a great oak tree behind Yuki's chicken coop. But when she checked the hollow, someone was already sitting there.

Gold eyes gazed at her from the darkness, bright with amusement. She turned to find a new spot, but a hand grabbed her wrist.

"There's space for two," he whispered, his voice a soft baritone that made her stomach flutter. His touch had always been strong yet also gentle.

Erina glanced around reluctantly, but then dispelled her doubts. Hurriedly, she dropped to a crawl and inched into the hollow, settling beside Soma. His knees brushed against hers. His breath seemed steady in the darkness – hers, on the other hand, were ragged from running.

Even with the cries of Yuki's chickens, this place made her feel at peace. As if to counter this, uneasiness pricked at her. She was _Lune's_ owner, a leading chef in the culinary world. She _couldn't_ rest. The feeling was strange – made even more abnormal by the man sitting beside her. He was out there somewhere. She couldn't – _wouldn't_ – stop until she found him.

But somehow, slowly but surely, her head began to droop until it rested upon Soma's.

"I've missed you," she said, hoping he was listening. Her voice cracked like dried leaves. "I've missed you so, so much. Please come back. You promised you'd eat at my restaurant. I opened it early because I… I thought that would convince you to return to Japan."

But Soma only smiled that knowing smile she both loved and hated –

– and then the dream evaporated in a swirl of mist and smoke.

Erina awoke with an aching heart.

* * *

Eventually, she began to inquire around again. But like three years earlier, Megumi and Takumi only shook their heads when she asked them if they'd received word from Soma.

She considered travelling overseas herself to look for him. Being in one place agitated her – it made her feel _helpless._ He couldn't have gone far… Maybe he was in Cambodia. Soma once expressed interest in eating a few tarantulas, though he shut up quickly when she threw a book at him.

Or maybe he was in France, sharpening his French techniques?

* * *

Her phone rang to a monotonous ringtone, stopping only when a man picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Shinomiya-senpai." She hoped her voice didn't sound too hollow. Or too deep. Or too croaky.

"Oh. Erina, is it? What's up?"

The casualness in Shinomiya's voice made Erina's stomach knot. Surely he should've had a more expectant tone, especially if what she was thinking was true…

"Um. Has Soma-kun been around to your place?"

"Soma?" Light surprise tinged the edges of his abrasive voice. "Why would that little troublemaker be _here_?"

Despair filled her once again. So even Soma's mentor didn't know where he was? Horror lurched in her throat for a moment – what if something had happened to him? Is what why he hadn't contacted them in the last three years?

She laughed tiredly. "Nevermind," she said, her voice half a whisper, her finger already pushing the _end call_ button. "Thanks, Senpai."

* * *

(He said he left to go 'soul-searching'.

Did he really have to tear hers to shreds in doing so?)

* * *

 **A/N: An idea I've always toyed with. This is only part 1!**


End file.
